Monday, October 12, 2009

Don’t Pass this Bar (by Chris)

I want a bar. Wait…first off, I should tell you that we don’t drink. Not even water…except socially. Now that I’ve captured your attention with that great joke, I’d like to get semi-serious for 4 paragraphs.
As I was saying earlier…I want a bar; a place where I can sit down (in an elevated manner) and relax (one butt cheek at a time on a narrow cushion). There’s your set up…and here comes the conflict; Dolores doesn’t want one. Sounds like we’re in need of a good old fashion tie-breaking vote…that’s where you come in.

Let us first look at the facts. Fact, we like to eat. Fact, we like to watch television. Fact, we like doing the previous two items simultaneously. Myth, we like staining our sofas by eating and spilling all over them. Myth, this bar will be obtrusive. Fact, it totally will not. Myth, how do you know? Fact, because it can fold down dumb head. Myth, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight. Fact, whatever.

Next, I would like to point out that the word “bar” has a negative connotation with Dolores…and that this ‘tabar’, as we’re now calling it, isn’t really a bar at all…it’s more like a table. I think it was first given that name (bar) because of the opening in the wall directly in front of it (which we can stylishly close up). 


                                               ::or not tabar::

So, what advantages does this ‘tabar’ have over an ordinary table? How about height for starters; at 42 inches we would have a clear path of visibility over even the most frizzy-haired of our couch-sitting friends. Second, ‘fold-ability’ (checks in the mail Budweiser “drink-ability” ad gurus)…in a pinch, this thing can be out of the way in no time flat.

In closing, I’d like to pose this question; in a room where each wall and every corner has been thoughtfully planned out and decorated, what could be sadder than a completely empty and totally ignored little corner? The answer is simple my friends. A corner where you could have had (wait for it) a ‘tabar’.


  1. 1. That better be a frosted glass door, to replace that horrible brown thing.

    2. I expect the "tabar" (not to be confused with babar) to be fully stocked (with booze) when I come over.

    3. I better not feel a draft sitting that close to a window like that (on the sectional).

    4. I like the plaid wall. (have a doozy painting that one).

    5. Thanks for your time.

  2. 6. quit harassing me.

    BTW Chris of 'Chris said...' fame. is my friend who is also named Chris. Confusing huh?

  3. I do like features that come and go--are useful but not obtrusive. Sounds like the tabar to me. Question. Where are the stools kept when the tabar is 'down'? That could effect my vote.

  4. I vote NO on the tabar. And I love that THIS is the topic to bring my Chris (not to be confused with Chris of "Welcome to my Humble Ablog" fame) out of the shadows... He has yet to comment on MY blog.

  5. When the 'tabar' is folded down, I guess we would probably just hide the stools in one of the bedrooms. I think it would stay up most of the time though; perhaps only needing to be folded down if there were going to be lots of traffic going out to the back yard for a party, etc... But, since our backyard is less than inviting...and we have parties about once every 6 years, I doubt we'll be moving those stools too often.

    As for this being Chris' comment leaving debut. I guess he adheres to the "bros before hoes" philosophy when it comes to blog comment etiquette.

  6. While I have absolutely no productive comment to leave her (I kind of like the tabar but don't want to be a traitor to the women), may I just say that I very much enjoyed this blog post? The inner dialog cracked me up and the comments were equally amusing.

  7. Thank you all for your comments/votes! I'll keep you updated on this whole "babar/tabar" debate. Looks like 'Chris/sevin/Welcome to My Humble Ablog' has created such a buzz with this post. Apparently 'Chris said' may be sleeping on the couch tonight, too. =p

    I hope Chris/Sevin will continue to post his own entries in the future. He is such a hoot!

  8. I vote for the Tabar! And it should be filled with Hookers, cocaine and Licorice.

    Also, Cement yards, front and back.